Threat model includes Jenkins

Because sometimes the pipeline is the threat.

You lock down prod, enforce MFA, and restrict lateral movement—
…and then Jenkins runs as root, talks to everything, and hasn’t been patched since the last fiscal year.

This shirt is for the security teams who’ve stared into the CI abyss and seen it deploy directly to prod. Who’ve fought for secrets management, repo sanity, and a build server that doesn’t double as a ticking time bomb.

Let the world know: your threat model isn’t just nation-states—it’s Jenkins.

👕 What’s On the Shirt:

• Front: Our Threat Model Includes Jenkins — because access control shouldn’t depend on a YAML file

• Sleeve: Spanning Tree Appreciation Society logo—auditing pipelines one commit at a time

📦 Ordering Info (a.k.a. Secure Build Process):
Before you place your order, please send us an email with:

• Your preferred shirt color

• Your material choice: cotton, polyester, or blend (unlike your pipelines, we let you choose your base image)

• Any custom tweaks to the slogan (we welcome forks—just don't skip code review)

Once we’ve verified your selections, you’ll place your order, and we’ll provide direct updates throughout the process. No webhooks, no flaky integrations—just human comms.

📐 Sizes from Small to “Debugs Jenkinsfiles in Their Sleep”
📦 Ships in about a week. Unlike Jenkins, this won’t fail silently.
☠️ May cause flashbacks to unmonitored cron jobs.