Fixed my Trust Issues

Who needs emotional vulnerability when you’ve got Zero Trust?

Let’s be real—after years of lateral movement, rogue devices, and mystery logins at 3am, of course you’ve got trust issues. But instead of coping, you deployed Zero Trust Network Access like a grown-up. Now you trust no one, verify everything, and honestly? It feels kinda good.

This shirt is for the security pros who heal not with feelings, but with segmentation, identity validation, and encrypted tunnels.

👕 What’s On the Shirt:

• Front: I fired my therapist. ZTNA fixed my trust issues.

• Sleeve: The official Spanning Tree Appreciation Society logo—like a hug from a firewall with feelings

📦 Ordering Info (a.k.a. Trust But Verify):
Before placing your order, shoot us an email with:

• Your preferred shirt color

• Your material choice: cotton, polyester, or blend (Zero Trust applies, but comfort still matters)

• Any custom tweaks to the slogan (we support fully modular policies)

Once we handshake on the specs, you can place your order, and we’ll send personal updates—no ticketing system, just direct comms like the days before NACs and nightmares.

📐 Sizes from Small to “Built an Identity Provider from Scratch”
⏳ Ships in about a week. Policy-compliant and emotionally secure.
🧠 May reduce reliance on therapy, but still not HIPAA compliant.